Bre

Last July we received one of those phone calls that shifts your world. Our niece, Bre, let us know she was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. Thirty-eight years old, this started her on a new and unexpected journey that still continues.  

We all are aware of how horrible cancer can be and how much of a personal violation breast cancer is. I’d guess all of us know someone who has had it, but that doesn’t change the personal visceral feelings you have when hearing the news about someone you love. Both Cath’s mom and my mom were diagnosed with the disease and survived for twenty plus years. We have other good friends who have been impacted by breast cancer over the years. None of that alleviated our feelings, or prepared us when we received the call from Bre. We were heartbroken for Bre, her husband Tyler, and their boys, Harrison and Silas.

Diagnosed in July, she has been on a tough journey since then – a double mastectomy in October, additional lymph node surgery in November, a chemo port installation on New Year’s Eve and chemo itself starting in early January of this year. It’s been challenging for her and her family.

I believe Bre’s great strength and the superpower she brings to this fight is her authentic voice in dealing with the disease. Not mincing words, she is both courageous and honest at the same time. She has publicly said, “I feel strong, I feel brave and I know that I will fight the strongest I ever have.”  When she received some bad news after her mastectomy, she also said, “I could fill this update with how hopeful I am and how everything will work out, but that feels inauthentic. I’m scared. I’m angry. I’m tired. I’m in pain. I promise I’ll keep fighting if you promise to keep praying as hard as possible for me and my family.”

Yes, courageous and honest. 

Bre isn’t letting cancer define her. She still works part time and continues to be a mom full time. As she said to Cath and I, “Both Harrison and Silas manage to keep life as supremely hectic, funny, insane, and filled with as much magic as humanly possible.” She is still the PTO Co-president at Rutland grade school although she stepped back some due to infection concerns during chemo. While she continues to practice yoga, her range of motion is currently compromised due to her lymph node surgery. She remains a huge Phish Phan and she and her husband Tyler attended the Phish Festival last August in Delaware, about a month after her diagnosis. 

As always with Bre, she continues to grow. She has kept a journal throughout this process. She has started writing more poetry. She has become an incredibly informed patient, as is perhaps expected, but she has also increased her focus on nutrition and eliminating the “poisons” we all have around our homes. In addition to following the science, she has looked for other ways to help her cope, including tarot card pulls.  She has also become  an advocate for other young women to stay ahead on their healthcare, with self exams, mammograms and living right. As she said to me, “I’ve made so many changes in the past eight months, I’d argue today I am no longer the same person.”

I asked Bre whether I could write a blog about her journey.  People vary on how much they want others to know about their medical issues. Some prefer keeping everything private, some tell only close friends, and others are willing to share. Bre’s answer:  “I’m honored! If it could help even one person feel less alone in this journey, or inspire one person to schedule that checkup they need – count me in!”

That’s who Bre is. A pillar of strength, honesty and concern for others. 

The final words she asked me to share as I was putting this blog together? “If you are a woman, know a woman, or love a woman, please encourage her to get a mammogram, especially if she’s under 40. I will spend the rest of my life fighting for the right for required screening for those under 40, as the rise of cancer in young people continues.”

— In accordance with Bre’s wishes, please feel free to share this blog.

Addendum: 

• Bre and her husband Tyler both work, have excellent insurance, great doctors and loving families. Having said that, the impact of cancer on their lives is real, including from a financial perspective. A gofundme page was started last fall to help relieve some of their financial burden. If you can find a way to help, here is the link: https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-breanne-ailors-fight-against-breast-cancer?
• There are a few places in this blog where I have adopted, with permission, words our niece Ann wrote in support of Bre and Tyler’s gofundme page. Ann is a great writer, and I thank her for her permission.