This is a different kind of Thanksgiving story. How often do you give thanks to the owner of a septic system company on Thanksgiving Day?

In 2001, we had a family gathering at our farm for Thanksgiving. It was only two months after 9-11, and while people were still nervous about travel, many also had a strong urge to spend time with family. We didn’t realize the gathering would precipitate problems with our septic system on the day before Thanksgiving.

Mom Snow came from Alabama, along with Cathy’s aunt Bonnie from Missouri. Cathy’s sister Bonnie (Aunt Bonnie’s namesake) and husband Don flew in from California, along with Don’s folks, Shan and Daddy Don. Counting Cathy and I, there were eight of us in the house, with all bedrooms and the office occupied. We were full.

People arrived the weekend before Thanksgiving, and everyone got along remarkably well. We have a nice sized house, but with eight people, and two and a half bathrooms, there could be a bit of congestion in the mornings and evenings. You might even say the bathrooms were working overtime. With the excess food and alcohol consumption that typically happens at family gatherings, and with four of our guests over 70, my observation in retrospect was there were no “regularity issues” among the group at our home.

At this juncture, it’s worth pointing out we live on a small farm in the country. The house was built in 1976. There are no city water or sewage hookups. For water, we are on a well that’s 264 feet deep and serves both the house, and the barn. For waste disposal, we have a septic system. When we bought the house in 1999, both were inspected by the county and deemed operational.

Thanksgiving week progressed and Cathy noticed a small pool of water had formed near the barn. There were recent rains, so she didn’t think anything about it. The next day, the water was still there and she mentioned it to me. Hmmmm. My first thought was perhaps a pipe from the well to the barn was leaking and the water had surfaced. We checked the water pressure in the barn, and the pump seemed fine, with plenty of pressure. To be honest, that was about the extent of my plumbing expertise at the time, and so I decided to call a plumber.

This was the day before Thanksgiving, so naturally every plumber we called was either busy, or didn’t answer the phone. As I was sitting there grumbling, Daddy Don walked by and asked what the issue was. I explained the pool of water and said I was afraid we might have a busted pipe. He asked “Where’s your septic field?” I pointed vaguely to the back yard and said “Over there.” He answered, “Well the pool of water is just below your field, maybe you have a septic problem.”

What?! Jeez, eight people in the house. I certainly hoped that wasn’t the problem. Erring on the side of caution, I thought it was worth checking out. I looked in the phone book, and found All Star Septic, in the village of Hume just a few miles away. I gave them a call and they answered. Even more miraculously, they could have someone out in a couple of hours. In the meantime, I advised everyone to stay away from the small pool of water, in case it was contaminated.

An hour or so later, a septic truck pulled up, and a man climbed out. It was Chris, the Owner of All Star Septic. We shook hands, and I explained to him what the issue was. He just kind of nodded his head, then said “Where’s the pool of water?” I told him it was by the barn, and we walked over there. Chris looked around a bit and then squatted down next to the pool. He dipped a finger into the water, and held it up to his nose. He then matter of factly said,

“Uhh yep, that’s shit water”.

And with that declaration, we found out we had a septic problem.

I laughed internally to myself about all the cautions I’d taken with the water, and here was Chris dipping his finger in it. I also had the thought I probably wouldn’t shake his hand goodbye.

I mentioned to Chris about eight people at the house for the next several days through the weekend. He answered back that probably explained part of the problem. The house typically only had two people using the septic system and was now overloaded. Chris then said he couldn’t fix the problem right then (it was the day before Thanksgiving afterall), but he could pump out our tank(s) and that should help in the short term.

I thanked him profusely and he proceeded to pump out the two tanks. He commented the tanks looked fine and the problem was something “downstream” and we could tackle that a bit later.

Chris was right, and pumping the tanks removed the immediate issue. On Thanksgiving Day, much like Arlo Guthrie in Alice’s Restaurant, “We had a Thanksgiving dinner that couldn’t be beat, went to sleep, and didn’t get up until the next morning.” Unlike Arlo, for us, the rest of the week passed without incident and the pool of water disappeared. Chris had provided us with a temporary solution that worked, and held for the week everyone was there.

When I think back over the years about Thanksgiving, it is the celebrations that were different that I remember – the Thanksgivings in Germany when we had bachelor Lieutenants over, because they had no where else to go; serving Thanksgiving in the mess hall to the troops; celebrating in Vienna, Austria one year; the time I flew home on Thanksgiving Day itself, due to work delays; and yes, the year Chris, from All Star Septic, saved the day.

My guess is with Covid, Thanksgiving 2020 will also be special, or different if you prefer, and is one all of us will remember for a long time. I hope you make the most of the day, and give thanks for family, friends, and the things in your life that are important to you now, and always. Peace be with you.

Addendum:

• The rest of the story about our septic field is a bit anticlimactic. Chris did return later and fix the problem. It turned out the previous owners had built the drive to the barn directly over the distribution box for the septic drain field. Over time, the distribution box caved in and the effluents were only going out through three of the distribution pipes in the drain field, instead of all nine. That was fine when just a few people were at the house, but when there were eight of us, it was too much for the three pipes to handle. The end result was the pool forming near the barn. So, our guests didn’t cause the problem, but in fact highlighted the already existing problem. It had probably been that way for years. Chris replaced the distribution box, and several of the distribution lines connected to the box. We’ve had no problems since, and that includes a couple of parties with over 100 people in attendance.

• All joking aside, if you live in the Fauquier County, Virginia area and have a septic problem, Chris is the guy you want to call. He’s prompt, reliable, professional, and gets the job done. He’s been our guy ever since the “incident”. You can find his info here: https://allstarseptic.com/ , or call him at: (540) 272-9247.

• If you’ve never listened to Alice’s Restaurant, by Arlo Gutherie, you need to do so. NOW KID! Set aside about 19 minutes and enjoy it for what it is. It’s a protest song, a Thanksgiving song and it’s just plain funny. I typically listen to it every Thanksgiving. Originally released in 1967, it’s full title is actually Alice’s Restaurant Massacree. Here’s one version: https://youtu.be/m57gzA2JCcM . In 2017, it was selected for preservation in the National Recording Registry by the Library of Congress as being “culturally, historically, or artistically significant”.