Cath and I are among the diminishing number of people who send out Christmas/Holiday cards. In our busy digital world, fewer people send them, and among the younger generations, it is almost nonexistent. That is just life today. Me? I still enjoy the annual “old fashioned” event of exchanging Holiday cards.
Continue reading “Holiday Cards”
I distinctly remember returning to West Point after Christmas my Plebe year. It wasn’t fun. As a matter of fact, the last couple of days at home became bittersweet as I started thinking about returning to West Point as a Beanhead* for another five months.
It wasn’t just returning to the Plebe System (Fourth Class System) that affected me. We had first semester finals two weeks after returning. Also, have you ever visited West Point in winter? In the Fall, West Point is one of the most beautiful places in the country. In the winter? Not so much, unless you have a fondness for the color grey. January to March at West Point is called “Gloom Period”**, with good reason.
If I’m honest with myself, it wasn’t Gloom Period, or finals that brought me down. It was going back as a Plebe for another five months. Before you enter the Academy, you hear all about how tough Plebe year is both mentally and physically. It’s one thing to hear about it. It’s another to experience it for six months, have a break, and then know you are going back for more of the same.
Coming home to Ottawa that December, Christmas break was great. Being a real person again was even better. Everyone wanted to know how West Point was, and of course I told them the good stuff, while minimizing the actuality of Plebe life. The time at home divided out between family events, dates with Cathy and partying with my friends.
During the day, I spent time at home, or went to see Grandma, various aunts and uncles, and church or family friends. I remember racing around town fitting in as many visits as I could. It was good to catch up with so many people, but also a bit exhausting.
Cath and I went on dates most evenings and tried to make up for lost time. The last we’d seen each other was Labor Day Weekend, when she visited West Point with my folks. In the interim, we’d written so many letters back and forth, I lost count of the actual number. While home, there was even a formal holiday dance at Ottawa High (Cathy was still a senior in high school). I wore my dress uniform, and felt so much older than the high school “kids”, who in reality were only one or two years younger.
Since she was still in school, Cathy had a curfew most nights. After our dates ended, I often linked up with my buddies Howard, Tim, Mark and others. The drinking age in Illinois was 19 at the time for beer and wine, but nobody really checked. We made the rounds at Berta’s, The Flamingo and Russell’s Tap before finally making it to bed. The next morning I’d wake up and start the cycle all over again. As I recall, sleeping in wasn’t an option.
I’d taken a couple of text books home with me to study over break, but of course I never cracked them. The days and nights raced by.
Finally it was New Year’s Eve and just a couple days before I would return to West Point. I remember going to a party with Cathy at our friend Jack’s home that night. Many of our friends were there. It was a great time, and as the clock struck midnight, there were kisses, handshakes and toasts all around. It was wonderful and things seemed almost perfect.
Maybe an hour later, it hit me. This was all going to end and I would return to the reality of Plebe life. The exhilaration from midnight rapidly disappeared. I crashed and a forlorn feeling took over. I found a quiet spot in an empty room and just sat there thinking. The dread I felt was visceral. Cathy found me a few minutes later and could tell something was wrong. She asked if I was OK and I struggled with words, then just gave up trying to explain. The thing is, she felt it too. We stood there hugging for I don’t know how long.
I more-or-less bounced back the next day and enjoyed my last day or two of freedom. Finally, it was time. As a Plebe, I think I was required to travel in uniform, and when Mom, Dad and Cathy drove me to O’Hare, that’s what I wore. Back then everyone could walk all the way to the gate, and that’s where we said our final goodbyes and “I love you’s”. Mom gave me a care package and with a last wave and a smile, I boarded the plane for New York.
At the airport in New York (LaGuardia I think), cadets were everywhere. Most of us made our way to buses for the final fifty miles to our Rock Bound Highland Home on the Hudson. The bus I was on was pretty quiet, with Plebes and upperclassmen alike lost in their own thoughts. By now, I’d steeled my mind for the return to school and Plebe life. I was as ready as I was going to be.
And of course it wasn’t as bad as things looked on New Year’s Eve. I made the Dean’s list that first semester, and by late March or early April, Gloom Period was lifting. As for dealing with upperclassmen and the 4th Class System, that too passed. As the Semester wore on, things became easier and and finally, in June, Recognition Day happened. We were no longer Plebes, but full fledged members of the Corps of Cadets.
To this day, I remember that New Year’s Eve and the roller coaster of emotions I felt. Speaking with Cathy, she too distinctly remembers that night. I recently told her I thought I’d write a blog about New Year’s Eve Plebe year. She immediately knew what I was talking about. I laughed a bit and said something like “I didn’t know you remembered”. She quickly answered “How could I forget?”
Addendum:
It’s good to keep memories alive, and laugh and cry for those we have lost. It’s also good to remember that life is for the living – to try and savor each and every day, and the time we have with those we love.
Before New Year’s Eve 2021, the last time we were all together was almost three years ago at the 2019 Anderson Valley (California) Pinot Festival. The difference was there were six of us then, and only four of us now. Don passed away in October of 2019, and Kim in August of 2021. I like to think Kim and Don were with us in spirit this year. We certainly ate and drank enough to cover them. 😉
Cathy’s sister Bonnie married Don in ‘96 and the four of us were great friends from then on. They introduced us to their friends Kim and John, perhaps ten or fifteen years ago. Over the ensuing years, we saw Kim and John just about every time we visited California. Inevitably they would spend a couple of days at Bonnie and Don’s when we were in town. Often it was for either the annual Anderson Valley Pinot Festival, or perhaps the winter white wine Alsace Festival, but there were also a couple of Christmases or New Year’s Eves in the mix.
In 2018, the Californians all came to Virginia for a vacation over New Years and we again enjoyed fun times. It’s always wonderful when you find people you get along with in multiple locations and over time – you realize you are a part of the same tribe. At the time, we talked about the six of us linking up at Kim and John’s vacation place in Hawaii, “sometime in the future.”
The following May, we were all together again at Bonnie and Don’s for the 2019 Pinot Festival. Kim was dealing with cancer, but it didn’t slow her, or us, down. At the time, we of course didn’t realize it was the last time all six of us would be together.
Don passed away five months after that Pinot Festival and Kim a little over two years later in August of ‘21. Covid provided an overlay for all of that time. We had reservations for Pinot Festival in May of ‘20 and ‘21, but it was cancelled both years due to Covid.
Time Passed.
We came to California this year for Bonnie’s birthday and to celebrate New Year’s Eve, and were delighted to find out that John would join us for both of those events.
We arrived first, and John drove up from Santa Cruz a couple of days later. The time passed in a whirlwind of fun, food, wine, poker games, walks and talks. We of course remembered and talked about Don and Kim throughout our time together. For John, it had only been 4 months or so since Kim passed away – they were married for 53 years. Bonnie and Don had 23 years together. As she noted, it’s not easy, and everything takes time. On New Year’s Eve, we toasted Kim with one of her favorite wines. On New Year’s Day, we went to Point Arena for a hike and toasted Don with beers and some tasty pizza.
We also spoke about many other things and didn’t forget to enjoy life and the time we were having together. John invited Cathy and I to Hawaii again. There was laughter and joking, smiles and stories. We kept old memories alive, while also making new ones. It was good to be with the tribe again. We consumed our fair share of food and al’ahol over the five days we spent together.
John eventually left for the drive back to Santa Cruz. There were hugs all around and promises to see each other sooner rather than later. John made sure to invite us to Hawaii again and we readily agreed to give serious consideration for a trip there.
It’s good to keep memories alive, and laugh and cry for those we have lost. It’s also good to remember that life is for the living – to try and savor each and every day, and the time we have with those we love. As the days fly by, I want to race with the wind and also stop and smell the roses. Can you do both? I want to keep trying.
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Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 – Even so, I have noticed one thing that is good. It is good for people to eat well, drink a good glass of wine and enjoy their work – whatever they do under the sun – for however long God lets them live. To enjoy your work and accept your life, that is indeed a gift from God. People who do this rarely look with sorrow on the past, for God has given them reason for joy.
I’ve been honored to enjoy many great friendships over the years. Maybe due to Covid, or maybe because I am closer to the end rather than the beginning of my life, I’m more aware of that good fortune. What I feel most blessed about though, is the continuing close friendship with my childhood buddies, Tim, Kim and Mark.
Mark recently sent a photo of the four of us on New Years Eve, 1978. It’s a classic New Years Eve picture. Slightly blurry, it captures us at about 3AM on January 1st, and, perhaps, slightly inebriated. Plainly we are having a good time. Although we aren’t thinking of it, our youth has passed, and our adult lives stretch out in front of us. Looking at the picture now, 42 years later, I think about our friendship and the transience of our time on this earth.
Kim, Tim, Mark and Max are also known by the nicknames Howard, June, Dunny and Ben in some circles. Those guys have been my friends forever. I first met Howard and June at about three years old in Sunday School. Kindergarten followed. Mark was a couple of years later, through Boy Scouts and youth football. I sometimes think because all of us had only sisters as siblings, we became closer over the years. Friends replacing the brothers we never had…
For the four of us, there are too many good times to count, whether in grade school, high school, college or the real world. We know and accept each other as we are, and have remained friends throughout. You might have thought with me going to West Point or serving overseas in Germany for a decade, the relationships would have faded, but they never did. Neither time, nor distance, have dimmed the closeness I feel for these guys.
Living in Virginia, I don’t see the three of them as often as they see each other, but we still make good times happen when we are together. And of course, when together, in addition to making new memories, we tell stories of the old times. Sometimes, just a name, word or phrase are all we need to generate smiles or ripples of laughter – Farrell, Wrong-Way LeBeau, The Ottawa Gluttons, The Great Wisconsin Tent Mystery, Sam’s, Wolfgang, the White Sox, certain meals or nights in Chicago…. While several of the memories are of the four of us together, many are only of two or three of us doing something. We’ve all heard the stories so often by now, it’s as if we were all at all of the events. The stories grow stale to some, but not to us. They are the chronicle of our past and the evidence to each other that we have tried to live life fully.
We are all lucky enough to have wonderful partners. Our friendships have expanded during our four marriages and one divorce. Some friendships survive neither marriage nor divorce.
Currently, one of us has serious health issues. With Covid, we can’t just rush to his side to somehow help, or try to help, or just commiserate. And so we text, email and call each other, often on a daily basis. It’s not the same as being there, but I like to think it helps him, and I know it helps me. Our communal history is a comfort that binds us beyond words.
I’ve been blessed with many great friendships over the years. From family relationships, my home town of Ottawa, West Point, the Army, neighbors, our running group, the horse world, politics… the list goes on. Tim, Howard and Mark? At the end of the movie, Stand By Me, the character played by Richard Dreyfuss says “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12. Jesus, does anyone?” I count myself beyond lucky that my friends “when I was 12” have remained my good friends to this day. I love these guys. They are the brothers I never had.
Addendum: Thanks to Mark for sending the photo – it really did help start and formulate some things I’d been thinking about for awhile.
Live Life Exuberantly 