Haters

My friend, Jennifer, and her husband have three children. She is a hair stylist and has her own shop. You can imagine her shock and horror when she received a work text saying, “… I hope you don’t recover from that surgery and it fucking kills you you fat fucking gay white bitch.”

A month or so ago, Jennifer needed emergency surgery for a burst appendix. Afterwards, she had a gangrene infection for weeks and had many follow-up appointments with her doctor to ensure the infection was healing properly. 

During that period of time, a woman scheduled an appointment with Jennifer through instagram. Because of the infection, Jennifer needed to reschedule the appointment due to a doctor’s appointment. She contacted the future client multiple times, leaving messages letting her know the appointment needed to be rescheduled. The lady never responded.

On the appointed day, Jennifer left for her doctor’s appointment. The woman showed up at the salon, but it was closed, as Jennifer was gone. She texted Jennifer asking how to get in to the salon for her appointment. Jennifer replied and reiterated that she had an emergency appointment with her doctor. The lady said she never received any notices cancelling the appointment. Jennifer apologized profusely, offered to do her service for free in the future, and told her she would work around the lady’s schedule to reschedule her whenever it was convenient for her. The lady did not say anything and left.

Fifteen minutes later, Jennifer received this text: “this was my only day off for more than a month I had to beg my bosses for the time off. so no monday is no good. thanks for wasting half of my day I hope you don’t recover from that surgery and it fucking kills you you fat fucking gay white bitch.”

What you are hearing right now is silence. My silence, as I try not to scream. I am trying to contemplate the amount of hatred needed to type such a message. I am trying to understand the amount of entitlement needed to type such a message. I am trying to not think about this woman, the ultimate entitled, aggressive, ignorant Karen.  

If you aren’t familiar, “Karen” is a slang term originally used to describe a “stereotypically entitled middle-class, white woman who rebukes or reports others in angry, sometimes racist public displays.” Over time, it has “become an insult for anyone, who shows entitled behavior, especially in the form of outspoken complaints or intrusive criticism.”

This is where we are in our world today. Violence and threats directed over the internet are commonplace. It happens repeatedly. People do and say things that are unfathomable. 

Although some have urged her to do otherwise, my friend Jennifer has decided to take the high road. She has the person’s email address and phone number. She knows where she lives and who she works for. Rather than dox her, or send a note to the lady’s employer, she has chosen to turn the other cheek. In some ways, she feels as if she dodged a future bullet. Jennifer is a better person than I am.

In Jennifer’s words, “This was a new client who I have never met before. I do feel like I dodged a bullet there. 😬 I also feel proud that I am such a strong LGBTQ ally, she thought I was gay from my instagram feed.”

I believe Jennifer probably did dodge a bullet. Perhaps literally, certainly figuratively. Hatred is all around us. Physical threats and online threats have both grown commonplace. I try to think of lessons learned from this episode. The immediate one I come up with is this – in today’s messed up world, try to be a Jennifer and not an ignorant Karen.

Peace to all. Feel free to share this blog.

Addendum:

For the record, this particular Karen was in her twenties.