Die Schnupfmaschine

Yea, we own a Schnupfmaschine (Snuff Machine). What, you might ask, is a Schnupfmaschine? An ingenious little German contraption for shooting snuff up your nose. And why would you want to do that? Well, that story is a little longer, and perhaps a bit nonsensical. 

 We saw our first snuff machine in 1979 or 1980. At the time we lived on the edge of the small German town of Helmstadt, about fifteen minutes outside of Wurzburg, where I was stationed. We lived on Holzkirchener Strasse, an aptly named street. When the road ended just past our home, a path continued, went over a hill, under the autobahn and ended at the village of Holzkirchen, about two and a half kilometers away (1.5 miles).

 Holzkirchen had a Gasthaus we sometimes went to for dinner or a Sunday lunch. On a nice day, you could walk or bike to it. Otherwise, it was about eight or ten minutes by car on a more circuitous route. I cannot remember the name of the place, but we visited there often enough. Although they served typical German dishes, such as schnitzel or bratwurst, their specialty was game – venison, rabbit, boar, and the like. I still remember they actually had two types of deer meat – “Reh” from a female deer, and “Hirsch” from a stag. 

 One evening we were there with friends for dinner. We heard a strange noise at a nearby table. It was sort of a “CLACK!” sound of wood on wood. We looked over at the table, where a man held a device up by his nose, and “CLACK!” A little wooden bolt snapped down. Did something go up his nose!?

 The man passed the device to the woman next to him. She loaded something into the front part of it, cocked a spring, held it up to her nose, looked in a mirror, and “CLACK!” – among much laughter from others at her table, shot something up her nose. 

 About then, the owner of the Gasthaus came to their table. While still laughing, they handed him the device. As he walked back to the bar area, I flagged him down and he came to our table. I asked what was going on and he looked surprised. Had we never seen a Schnupfmaschine before? No, we hadn’t. What exactly was it?

 He then put the device on the table and explained how it worked. Using a small wooden spoon, he retrieved some snuff from a storage area on the device. He put the snuff into two small indentations on a board on the device. He then cocked a trigger, and using a mirror on the machine, lined the two indentations up with his nostrils, and then snapped a trigger, while simultaneously inhaling through his nose.

This Schnupfmaschine was his. Would we care to try it? 

 Of course!

 It was now our turn. On my first “shot”, I didn’t quite align my nose with the snuff and it hit off center. Whoops. The second time went fine. 

 

We passed the machine around, all of us trying it. It was fun and woke your nose up, between the tobacco and the nicotine. It was a terrific end to the meal and the evening. We were still laughing on the way home.

We did it again the next time we were at the restaurant, and then again later. We started seeing, or perhaps more accurately, noticing, Schnupfmachine at other Gasthauses, particularly in rural areas. They also popped up in rural ski areas in Austria.

Sometime in the mid ‘80s we saw one for sale in a store in Germany or Austria and of course bought it. In the ‘80s and early ‘90s, it became something of a fixture at our place after an evening of dinner and drinks. We bought two types of snuff back then, both German. One was a regular tobacco-based snuff. The other was some sort of mentholated grape sugar, or something similar. White in color, it always gave people a pause. As people of a certain age will recall, this was during the time in America when another white powder was making the rounds. We always assured people their noses were safe in our hands ;-).

I’m not sure why, but sometime after moving to the farm in ‘99, we mostly stopped using the Schnupfmaschine. For the last 20 years, it has sat in a little display case with other Knick-knacks from our life. For some reason, I noticed it last week and the memories came flooding back. 

Will it come back into use at the farm? Hmmmm. 

Warrenton has several vape and tobacco shops these days. Last week, I stopped at one and sure enough, they sold a wide selection of snuffs, although much of it was in self-contained pouches, the easier to slip between cheek and gum I suppose. I bought a tin of tobacco-less wintergreen (yes, it is white), although it still has nicotine in it. 

A couple of days later, I broke one of the packets open and loaded the machine. I cocked it, lined my nose up in the mirror, and SNAP! As I inhaled through my nose, more memories came back – the rush, the clearing of the nose, the slight burn, the minty smell, and … an urge to sneeze. With a laugh, I thought, “Oh yea, I remember this!”

Soooooo, if you are at the farm for dinner sometime in the next few months, and after dinner we pull out some white powder and a strange looking wooden device, rest easy. Your nose will be semi-safe with us – no cocaine*, but maybe just a little bit of snuff and a cleared head. 

Addendum:

• * For the record, neither Cathy, nor I have ever tried cocaine.