My brother (in law) Don passed away a year ago on October 20th, 2019. We still grieve his loss. Having said that, I’m a big believer in keeping the memories of those who have gone before us alive, by remembering the good times we had with them. Here is one of my favorite Don memories. It involves Don, Bonnie, Her Belly Button Ring, and a pair of channel locks….

In June of 2000, Cathy visited Bonnie and Don in Sausalito, California. I had to work at the time and couldn’t make the trip. While there, The Sisters of No Mercy (as Cathy and Bonnie are known in some circles), along with another friend, decided to have their belly buttons pierced. Jason, the gentleman who did the piercing and put the rings in, gave them specific instructions, including: 1 – Move the ring around a bit every day; 2 – Apply a sea-salt solution on a daily basis for six months to insure the piercing heals properly; 3 – Don’t take the ring out for six months to keep the piercing clean; and 4 – no swimming or hot tubs for six months.

For the next three months, The Sisters both diligently cared for their bellies and their belly button rings. They checked in with each other on email and via phone. The rings were doing nicely, and there were no issues.

Then came Labor Day weekend. On the Friday of that weekend, Cathy and I flew to San Francisco for a visit with Bonnie and Don in Sausalito. We were looking forward to the time together, prior to a longer vacation on the California coast.

On Saturday, after a big breakfast, we walked about a mile to the Sausalito Art Festival. The Festival was held every year on Labor Day Weekend at the waterfront and was quite the event. Art of all kinds was on display and for sale. There were a number of bands playing throughout the day, and they had wonderful food and drink to keep you sated. It was our kind of place. We started the day wandering through the displays, listening to the music and drinking champagne. Cathy and I bought a print of two tulips, and Don and Bonnie bought a painting of two chairs facing a lake. He called the painting “Retirement”. I snuck off and bought Cathy a pair of earrings for Christmas at one point. The weather turned warmer, and the boys switched to beer, while the girls stayed with champagne. We eventually settled in front of one of the stages and had some food while listening to a band. We christened ourselves the 4-H Club, and later, bought a poster to commemorate the day. It was a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

As afternoon turned to evening, we packed up and made the trek back to Bonnie and Don’s. We were going hiking at Point Reyes the next day, so the thought was to just have a quiet relaxing evening at home.

We were sitting in their Family Room drinking some wine, when all of a sudden Bonnie said “UH OH!”. We all looked at her.

“The ball closure just popped out of my belly button ring!”

Silence on our part, as the three of us looked at Bonnie.

Bonnie kept playing with the ring, but couldn’t get the ball to lock back into the ring. After a bit of time passed, Cathy went over to Bonnie to see if she could assist in putting the ball back in the ring. More time passed, and still the belly button ring refused to cooperate.

Don, being a man and having a penis, then said something like “Let me take a look. I’m sure I can get the ball back in” and went to assist Bonnie. Cathy stood up and got out of the way, while Don started “helping” Bonnie.

Time passed. Then a bit more time passed. Things were, perhaps, becoming a bit tense when suddenly, Don said “Max, go get the channel locks”.

Me: “What”?

Don: “Go get the channel locks. They are in the garage on the work bench. I need them to hold Bonnie’s belly button ring steady”.

Me: —silence—, then “OK, I’ll be right back”.

I went out to the garage and found the channel locks where Don said they would be. I returned to the house and handed them to Don.

Don was at Bonnie’s knees trying, not very successfully, to hold her belly button ring with the channel locks, while inserting the ball with his other hand. Cathy and I watched from nearby. Finally he said “Max can you hold the ring with the locks? If you are able to do that, I think I can insert the ball”.

I knelt next to Don, grabbed the locks, and put a hold on the belly button ring. Don then attempted to insert the ball multiple times and failed. The ring moves around a bit in the locks with each attempt. This was not good. Things were definitely heating up, until finally all four of us were talking at once.

Suddenly, Bonnie, in a loud voice said “WE ARE DONE HERE! I WILL PUT A BANDAID ON THE RING TO HOLD IT IN PLACE”. Then softer “Tomorrow, we’ll see if Jason can fix it”. Bonnie put a bandaid on the ring opening and we all retired to the family room. Needless to say, the rest of the evening was pretty quiet.

The next morning, Bonnie called Jason’s shop and said she had a small problem, could she drop by. He was open, and she could indeed come to the shop. His place was on the way to Point Reyes, so we all drove together, planning to go directly to our hike from his shop.

We arrived at Jason’s and he greeted Bonnie and Cathy warmly. Bonnie explained about the ball popping out, while omitting the multiple strategies and attempts to put it back in. Jason said no problem, let’s have a look.

Bonnie went into a separate room with Jason and he took a look at the ring. Then he pulled out a magnifying glass to look at the ring and we heard him exclaim rather loudly “Oh my God! What’s happened to the ring?! There are scratches all over it. This will tear up your skin! We need to replace this ring”.

Don and I looked at each other and then quickly looked down. We didn’t say a word. We could hear Bonnie speaking in a muffled voice with Jason in the next room. A few minutes later they came out, and Bonnie had a new navel ring. Jason looked at Don and I intensely, but didn’t say anything. Bonnie paid, and we continued to Point Reyes for our hike.

I suppose, in retrospect, using channel locks to hold the ring may NOT have been the best possible solution. Could it be, with all of the good times at the Festival, both our judgement, and our steadiness may have been slightly off? Nah…. 😉

John Lennon said “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”. The 4-H Club had a lot of great adventures over the years. While some were planned, this one definitely wasn’t. Aren’t the unplanned ones often the best?

…

Over the course of my life, I’ve had many good friends. I’ve also been blessed with two friends I have loved like brothers. Don was one of them. I miss him tremendously. Although he died doing what he loved (surfing), he still died way too young. I’ll do my best to tell the stories, and promise to keep his memory alive. As a friend, a brother, and one of the two guys married to The Sisters of No Mercy, I owe him that.

“God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end”. (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

Addendum:

This write up, by coincidence, is occurring at the five year anniversary mark of when I started my blog, “Live Life Exuberantly” . It seems fitting this anniversary blog is about Don. He was someone who knew how to live his life exuberantly, and did so.

I’ve published 189 blogs in those five years. Here’s the one that started it all: https://mnhallblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/19/why-live-life-exuberantly/

John Lennon sang “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” in the song “Beautiful Boy”. Variations of those words were around for at least two decades prior to Lennon’s usage. A version was attributed as early as 1957 to cartoonist, Allen Saunders, who worked on the comic strips “Steve Roper” and “Mary Worth”.