It had been raining for a while when Gary pulled two more beers from the fridge. As he handed me one, he said “I’ll tell you one thing, I don’t do funerals.” I popped my beer and looked up. “I didn’t know you were that particular”.
Gary lived two townhouses down from us. His girlfriend Cindy had moved out a couple weeks before, although I’m not sure why. I didn’t ask, and he didn’t volunteer a reason. We were casual friends – the kind of guy you saw in the neighborhood often enough. We’d drank beers together a couple of times and I think Cathy and I had Cindy and him over for dinner once.
Gary’s Townhouse was Two Doors Down From our Own
When I came home from my running group that day, he was vacuuming out his Limo in the parking lot. He was pretty religious about keeping it clean. I stopped to talk with him and he offered me a beer from the cooler next to the Limo. I readily accepted.
We talked about this and that, and then it started raining. “Damn. Let me go park this and I’ll be right back. The house door is open.”
I waited on his stoop for the couple minutes it took him to return, and then we went in his kitchen, where he popped two more beers and we sat down.
As we were drinking our beers, he talked about his history as a Limo driver. It may not have exactly been sex, drugs and Rock ‘n’ Roll, but it wasn’t far off. There were a couple of B level rock singers who regularly booked him when playing in DC. He did the usual “big dates”, weddings, and business meetings. A few local corporate types used him consistently. He was strict with the kids that rented the limo for prom or graduation. After that? Who was he to judge?
It was then, as he grabbed two more beers from the fridge he uttered “I’ll tell you one thing, I don’t do funerals.”, and I spoke my quick rejoinder “I didn’t know you were that particular”.
“I Don’t do Funerals”
He looked at me and smiled, and then the smile faded away. “I used to do funerals. Quite a few of them. But I learned something about the limo, or I guess more about myself. Afterwards, no matter how hard I cleaned the inside of the car, I couldn’t get the smell out.”
I looked at him inquisitively. “The smell?”
He took a swig of beer. “Yea, the smell. The smell of loss, of sadness, of blackness, of death itself. No matter how much I cleaned the inside of the limo, to me, the smell was still there for the next trip or two. I finally gave up and quit doing funerals. It was better for me, or at least better for my soul.”
After sitting quietly for a couple of minutes, I raised my beer, and as we clinked cans, said “Your Good Health” and he answered “and yours”.
We finished the beers and I said goodbye. It was still raining as I walked home, thinking about Gary, and death, and how something can linger in the air, even when there is no smell.
I will turn 67 on April 10th. That’s a little more than one quarter of the 246 year American Experiment. In January, 1790, George Washington said, “The establishment of our new government seemed to be the last great experiment for promoting human happiness by a reasonable compact in civil society.“* I’m trying to decide how well Washington’s words have held up.
To me, the Constitution and it’s amendments are still a reasonable compact. After that, things are a bit more dicey. As a country, we don’t act particularly civil, or happy these days.
If you look at history, America and Americans have always been contentious, but we seem well past that these days. Civility has gone by the wayside in government, and often in society. Our Congressmen and Senators routinely insult each other and anyone who disagrees with them. Many also have no problem insulting their constituents if he or she disagrees with them. Hate is a word that often comes to mind.
It carries over to our society as well. If there is disagreement, many folk no longer know how to act civilly, or even worse, choose to act uncivilly. Rather than discuss, or ignore something, the preferred response is often to insult or belittle, often with vulgarity. Anyone attend a school board meeting lately? And it’s not just about politics. We fight about noise pollution, light pollution, how people choose to raise their children, shopping sales and parking spots. Our ultimate “right” appears to be the right to be obnoxious.
Happiness, at a government or society level, is also in short supply. Our politicians at the national level wear a scowl much more often than a smile. How often do we see Ted Cruz or Bernie Sanders smile? As Americans, many of us are pretty much unhappy about everything – immigration, the news, the price of gas, healthcare, our neighbors with different views, Covid, not using Daylight Savings Time all the time, boomers upset with millennials, everyone upset with boomers, sports referees… No issue is too big or small to escape our ire.
What are the odds of smiles under those masks?
Some days, we appear to be Whiny America, forgetting we could be in Ukraine, or any number of troubled spots around the world.
We have had discord and conflict throughout our history, and certainly there were times worse than what we are experiencing today. The Civil War, The Depression, WWII, The McCarthy era, Vietnam and the upheaval of the ‘60s to name a few.
We have also fought over issues throughout our history. State’s Rights, Western Expansion, Slavery, Women and the Right to vote, Labor and unions, Civil Rights, Gay Rights, Individual versus societal rights, the place of Religion in America … the list goes on.
I was born in 1955. Fools long for the mirage of the “good old days” in the ‘50s, forgetting that we were fighting in Korea, the prospect of nuclear holocaust was real, Civil Rights hardly existed, and Joe McCarthy was trying to tear apart the country with outrageous lies in the US Senate. People forget Happy Days was a fictitious TV show, not American reality.
What makes today appear worse? Maybe the internet-connected-world shines a brighter light on the American Experiment, allowing us to see all of the dark holes that have always been there, but were previously hidden. Maybe it’s not worse. Maybe it’s just our time and turn to experience the tumult that is the American Experiment. Or, maybe our lives have become so otherwise comfortable, this is just the next level of angst over the American Experiment – my way, or the highway, with no room for alternatives.
Maybe, instead of looking at society, we can start by looking at ourselves first, and find some civility, some happiness and some sanity.
You would think each of us could control whether we are civil or not. We can try and take our hatred down a notch or two and find ways to engage civilly with those who are “different” from us. And if we can’t find a way to engage civilly, perhaps we shouldn’t engage at all, rather than becoming mime worthy caricatures.
And Happiness? Certainly a tougher question and each of us is somewhere different on the continuum between abject sadness and blazing joy. We all have personal issues affecting our state of happiness over time, but happiness is often found in the eye of the beholder. Indeed, some people who have the right to be upset about health issues, are happy because they have one more day upright. I think a lesson is there for all of us.
Maybe part of the question is whether we can find happiness without making someone else unhappy.
For me, as I’m about to enter my 68th year on this planet and in this country, I have two thoughts. One, I’m going to strive to maintain my civility, no matter the situation. As for happiness, while I know I won’t always be happy, I’m going to look for happiness where I can find it, in events both big and small. Whether an upcoming vacation, a negative test result, or a new flower blooming in the garden, I will seek out happiness, and let it infect me.
I have no doubt The American Experiment will continue for the foreseeable future. We are a resourceful nation and people, and our strength and good fortune have brought us to where we are today. Like many families, we Americans fight with each other. Is it too much to ask for a little more civility in our lives and fights? That might even help with our collective happiness.
Addendum:
⁃ * Washington penned these words in a letter to English historian, Catharine Macaulay, on 9 January 1790. The entire quote in that part of the letter reads: “The establishment of our new Government seemed to be the last great experiment, for promoting human happiness, by reasonable compact, in civil Society. It was to be, in the first instance, in a considerable degree, a government of accomodation as well as a government of Laws. Much was to be done by prudence, much by conciliation, much by firmness.” You can find a link to the entire letter here: https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Washington/05-04-02-0363 .
⁃ Thanks to my friends Tim Stouffer and Mark Dunavan who both provided thoughts and inputs for this blog.
– As always, thank to my friend Colleen for her editorial assistance. I remain a work in progress.
Through Cathy, I’ve gained an appreciation for the colors that make up the palette of our life. As an engineer, the journey hasn’t been a simple one. Sometimes though, you can teach an old dog new tricks.
Over the decades, the two of us have seen life through different lenses.
For me, it has usually been about form, and lines and precision. It’s hard for me to say whether I was always this way, or I became this way. Did my childhood background start me on the road to becoming a military officer, an engineer and a business leader? Or was it something that was self-reinforcing over time? Even in my hobbies, whether running, or reading, or photography, there was a certain precision… trying to reduce my times on a run, or capturing greater detail in a photo, there was a linearity to it. The gauziness of color didn’t really register in my brain.
For Cathy, her view is much more about color and the senses. This is most obvious in our gardens. While our gardens are made up hundreds of plants and flowers, and requires much hard work on her part, it is the flow of color over the seasons that defines them. There are constantly changing colors and hues. Only a fool, or an engineer, would miss them and their beauty.
A Redbud in the Garden Last Spring
For years, I didn’t get it, or understand it. Or perhaps even worse, I didn’t think about it.
And then about seven years ago, I retired. There are many great things about retirement, and most retirees will happily enumerate them to you ad nauseam. For me, the greatest gift is the luxury of time. Time to do the things you want, or time to do nothing at all and not feel guilty about it.
One of the things I started doing with my time, was taking care of the morning feeding of the horses. It was easy enough, and made me feel like I was contributing at home. There was also an unintended consequence.
After feeding the horses, while walking back to the house, I would notice little bursts of color in the garden. Why were flowers blooming in February? And then March? And then everywhere by May? Our hillside garden was awash in color, both from the flowers, and the many hues of green from the plants themselves. Now mind you, these colors and flowers were there for years, but it was as if I was seeing them for the first time. Cathy had created all of this, and I was blind to it.
Some Photos of Just a Few of the Flowers in Cathy’s Gardens
Thank God, we all have the ability to grow, even when we appear set in our ways. As spring arrives, I walk through the gardens looking at the new growth and colors peeping out. This year is different than the past. Our hellebores, crocuses and daffodils are blooming at the same time, when typically they would bloom sequentially. The engineer in me wants to understand why, but it’s not stopping me from enjoying this beautiful March we are having.
I see color now, or perhaps a better description is I see more color now. Sure, I always saw the red, yellow and orange leaves of autumn, or the red white and blue fireworks on the Fourth of July, or a multicolored string of Christmas lights. Now, I also see the purple ground cover in a field in the spring, the mixed colors in a neighbor’s garden, the infinite shades of grey in the sky and sea on a cloudy day. I’m a better person for all of it.
On a Recent Drive to the Chesapeake Bay, a Sea of Purple…
I’m still Max and keep spreadsheets, to-do lists, and can be pretty anal about time. Happily, I’ve also gained an appreciation for color. I excitedly show Cathy pictures of her flowers and of the garden and she smiles at me. Even though she has seen those colors and flowers for decades, she’s a good partner and encourages me in my growing understanding of color, and of who she is.
On the Late Show last October, Bruce Springsteen said “You have to be a fighting optimist, I believe.” I think The Boss is right. As this year ends, I’m trying to do two things. One, put the disaster that was 2021 behind me, and two, approach 2022 with a sense of not just optimism, but fighting optimism.
While there were many good things that happened in 2021, I suspect the year will long be remembered for two things. First, the Insurrection on January 6th and the right’s attempts to minimize those events. And second, the gift that keeps on giving – Covid. Those are the twin pillars that define 2021.
At their core, they are of course, entwined with each other. He who shall go unnamed continues to push against the valid election results of 2020 and calls the insurrectionists of January 6th patriots and heroes. The big lie just keeps getting bigger. And with Covid, we know it’s not going away any time soon, and maybe never. Despite the Delta and Omicron variants, the death rate has dropped dramatically – except among those who refuse to get the shot. For them, the death rate has increased. We all know the reason why a majority of those refusing the vaccine have done so. It’s an interesting juxtaposition to see a leader cause the deaths of some of those who follow him.
The past, of course, informs the future.
Those of you who know me, know I’m an optimist at heart. When people ask me if I see the glass half full, or half empty, in my mind I almost always answer “I see it 3/4 full.” But Bruce is right. Being an optimist isn’t enough – You need to be a fighting optimist.
What does a “fighting optimist” even mean? Springsteen originally used the phrase on October 25th, 2021 in a Podcast with former President Barack Obama. He was speaking about fighting for America in these troubled times when he said “You have to be a fighting optimist, I believe … You know, I think you’ve got to adhere to the truth. You’ve got to adhere to the basic values in our institutions …“(We) need to protect American Democracy and things like the fundamental right to vote…”
For me, that defines fighting optimism perfectly. Democracy should be a participatory activity – not just by voting, but also by helping to shape this great country of ours. There is too much at stake to sit on the sidelines. It means continuing to fight for change, in order to enable the optimistic view of the future I have. I need to do everything I can to empower that future.
As I look to 2022 and beyond, I’m making fighting optimism a part of my life. I want to ensure my optimistic view of a better America is achieved. It’s not enough to be aware of what is going on in the world. We must also have the will to work towards the needed changes. It will continue to take time and effort to make our better America happen, and I’m committed to doing so. I hope you are as well.
As Bruce says, “the other choice is unthinkable.”
Awareness and optimism aren’t enough. We must also have the will to work towards the needed changes.
I made Risotto last week. Due to some changes in diet, it was the first time in over a year and it was wonderful. Risotto isn’t hard to make, and it doesn’t take long, but it does require patience and attention. You can’t rush risotto, and to me, that is why making it is both relaxing and a bit zen like.
I’ve been making risotto for years, and have several different recipes. It was a staple part of our dinner rotation. And then about a year ago, I had a couple of blood tests that caused some concern. After engaging in bilateral discussions with my doctor* (… 😉 … ) , I made significant diet changes, and drastically reduced dairy and carbs. Some things were easy, like changing from regular milk to oat milk. Unfortunately, cheese was practically it’s own food group for me, so that required a fair amount of mental adjustment. Pasta, potatoes, white rice, and bread? All eliminated, or severely reduced. I went cold turkey, and just did it. The good news was that after three months, the test results were back to normal, and six months later, they remained normal. As a side benefit, I lost about fifteen pounds.
Over the past six months, we’ve reintroduced small amounts of dairy and carbs into our diet. They’ve become “special” as opposed to every day, and it’s worked out fine. It turns out, sometimes, you can teach an old dog new tricks.
Last Thursday I had a series of follow-up fasting blood tests. I wouldn’t receive the results for a day or two, but decided to celebrate early and chose to make risotto for dinner that night. On the way home, I picked up some cream for the sauce, along with fresh bread from a local bakery. I mean what the hell, in for a penny, in for a pound. While I have several risotto recipes, there was no doubt in my mind about which one I would make – Ben’s Cognac Risotto – a favorite of ours, with mushrooms, shallots, cream, butter, and plenty of Parmesan cheese.
From start to finish, Ben’s Cognac Risotto takes about forty five minutes to an hour to make. As with most risottos, it’s not complicated, however, once you start cooking, you can’t walk away from the stove. You need to be present, both mentally and physically.
That evening , I started heating up the required chicken broth, chopped up the needed shallots and mushrooms, separately measured out the cognac and cream for the sauce, and then grated the Parmesan cheese necessary for the finish.
Shallots and Mushrooms – the Key to Ben’s Cognac Risotto…
The next step is an optional one, but I find it adds to the relaxing nature of making risotto. I walked over to the bar and made myself a martini. In what may be a strange coincidence, I’ve learned that the time it takes to drink a martini, is almost exactly the same length of time it takes to make risotto. Not a martini fan? A Manhattan or Negroni will do, or even a glass of the red wine you opened to serve later with the risotto. Trust me on this. It works.
I made the mushroom sauce first and the kitchen filled with that heavenly smell only sautéed mushrooms can bring. After 5 minutes or so, I added the cognac and reduced it, and then added the cream and slowly reduced it some more. I set the sauce aside, and then started to work on the risotto itself. I also let Cathy know dinner would be ready in about twenty minutes, so she could finish setting the table, and pour some wine in our glasses.
Mushrooms, Cognac and Cream – What’s not to like?
After sautéing the shallots, I added the rice to the pan and stirred a bit. I started adding the broth, about a half a cup at a time, to the rice. Next? The ritual – Keep stirring the rice every few seconds; take a sip of martini; let the rice sit a little, then stir, and add the next portion of broth. And, repeat – Stir the broth into the rice, take a sip of martini, let the rice sit a bit, then stir, and add more broth. And repeat. And repeat. And repeat. A bit of zen zone settles in, or at least it does for me. It’s just me, the spoon, and the rice.
In the Zen Zone – Just me, the Spoon, and the Rice…
As I neared the last of the broth, I tasted the rice, checking for chewiness. You still have the mushroom sauce to add, so a little chewiness is OK. I know that if there’s a bit of broth left, it’s not a big deal.
Finally, It was time. I stirred the mushroom sauce into the rice, and let it thicken a bit. I then added the Parmesan and stirred some more. Cathy brought our bowls over, and I put some risotto into each of them, with another dusting of Parmesan on top of each. I took the last sip of my martini, grabbed the bread warming in the oven and crossed to the table. We clinked glasses and then settled into the wonderfulness that is Ben’s Cognac Risotto.
The Wonderfulness that is Ben’s Cognac Risotto…
Cathy asked me if we were maybe celebrating too early, since I hadn’t yet received my test results. I answered I felt good about the tests and wasn’t worried. Besides, it’s a good thing to occasionally celebrate life.
Late the next afternoon, although I hadn’t received a call from the doctor, I logged into my account at her office. The four test results were there – I quickly opened and scanned each of them. Everything was fine, and in fact a couple of tests showed further improvement from last June. The low dairy, low carb diet was working. It also appeared the occasional piece of cheese, serving of roasted potatoes, or bowl of risotto wasn’t having an overly adverse effect on me. I could live with this.
Live is the key word. I’ve reached the age where something is always breaking down, or going a bit haywire in my body. There is always some new thing I need to be aware of for my future health. While healthy over all, Cath and I both have issues that crop up. And of course we have friends who are dealing with greater issues – cancer, loss of eyesight, early onset dementia… getting older isn’t for the faint of heart. But you also have to live, and enjoy life in all of the ways you can. For me, the ritual of risotto is one of those ways, and I’m not ready to give up on it yet. We may not have it as often, but trust me, it’s still going to appear on the menu.
Otherwise, what’s the point?
Addendum:
– * As a side note, I love my doctor, Doctor Emman Hussny, and have been with her for a long time – around twenty years. When she left one practice to start her own, I moved with her. She has a great bedside manner, and encourages leading a healthier lifestyle, without being draconian about it. During checkups, we certainly have discussions about my health, but also discuss other topics of the day. I feel like she genuinely cares about me, and I’m not just another patient flowing through her office.
– Here’s the recipe for Ben’s Cognac Risotto – enjoy! If you want to tone it down a bit, you can substitute milk, or even 2% milk for the cream.
We were in the middle of the Kalahari Desert, on the edge of the Ntwetwe Salt Pan when it started to rain. I’d just started my second Gin and Tonic. Dinner was still a bit away, and we made a dash for shelter in the Land Cruiser…
We’d arrived at our Safari Camp, Leroo La Tau (The Lion’s Paw) the day before after a 1 1/2 hour flight on a six seater plane out of Kasane. Our camp was in a remote location along the Boteti River in the Makgadikgadi Game Reserve.
Cathy and the Plane that Flew us to the Makgadikgadi Game Reserve
One of the reasons we were excited about Leroo was that we were to spend one of our nights under the stars at the the Ntwetwe Salt Pan. We would be as remote as possible in the Kalahari Desert, with no ambient light, or connection to other humans. Literally, it would be just us, the desert and the sky – vastness and emptiness, intertwined.
By luck, or by happenstance, we arrived at Leroo on September 30th. Our hosts were celebrating the 55th anniversary of Botswana’s Independence from the British on September 30, 1966. After dinner, they served us a cake decorated in the colors of Botswana’s flag, and explained the meaning of each of the colors*. As we were eating our cake, it started to rain – not for long, perhaps only 20 minutes. We learned it rained on September 30th, 1966 as well, and as Botswana is such a dry country, rain is considered a blessing and a sign of good luck, particularly on Independence Day. We weren’t yet aware how that rain was going to impact our trip.
The next day, as we were getting ready to leave on our five hour drive for the Pan, we learned there was some concern on the part of our guide, Isaac, and the staff. It turned out not only had it rained at Leroo the night before, it probably also rained at Ntwetwe. The condition of the Pan was unknown, and we might not be able to drive on it, or even approach it without our vehicle sinking into the mud. We would not know until we arrived.
A decision was made to give it a shot and we piled into our Land Cruiser. In addition to Cathy and I, and our friends Bill and Sharon, there was a crew of three. Our guide was Isaac, who had led previous trips to the Pan (we were only the seventh group to actually do this). He was accompanied by Dabe, a Bushman (The San People) who was very familiar with the desert environment, and Kago, a manager from the camp.
Setting out for the Ntwetwe Pan in our Land Cruiser
After driving nearly 50 kilometers on a highway, we turned off into the desert. We had nearly 70 kilometers to go, which doesn’t sound far, but with no real road, we would follow a path through the grass and shifting sand. There were still several hours before we reached the Pan.
The “Road” Through the Grass and Sand
As time passed, the environment became starker and vegetation started to disappear. There were no more trees, and few bushes. We were left with a sea of grass. Animals too disappeared. Other than some birds, meerkats, and mongoose, we saw no other wild game on the trip. We were told there wasn’t any real water this far into the desert, so the big game stayed away. Interestingly, we did pass some herds of cattle.
This Meerkat is One of the Few Animals we Viewed on the Drive
Eventually, around 5PM we arrived at the Ntwetwe Pan, with sundown still about an hour away. It had definitely rained on the Pan and it would be a bad choice to drive on it. Although it appeared dry, our Land Cruiser would have soon sunk up to the hubs and been trapped. Instead, we camped on the edge of the Pan.
We connected with Maipa and Mash who drove “The Elephant” (a vehicle with the kitchen equipment, lights, tarps, loo, etc) to the Pan earlier in the day. It was they who set up the kitchen, and the dining area. You could already smell good things cooking on the fire and stove for our dinner. We were served sundowners, and then received a safety talk and a briefing on how to use the loo.
Our Chef, Mash, Fixing Dinner, While Isaac was Making our Sundowners…
We had time before dinner and wandered around. As I took a sip of my G&T, my gaze looked to the east across the Pan. Vastness and Emptyness? Sure. The word Nothingness also came to mind. There was nothing but a line on the horizon separating the sky above from the salt pan below. Loneliness … desolation … flatness… all were also good descriptors. It was flat as far as you could see in any direction.
Nothingness…
It started to get dark, and we viewed lightning storms on the horizon to the north of us. In Botswana, the weather generally flows east to west, so Isaac thought we were safe. Of course, there IS the occasional freak storm ;-)… I’d just started on my second G&T when the sky opened and it began to rain.
Lightning During the Rainstorm in the Kalahari
Three things then happened in quick succession. First, Isaac directed us to the Land Cruiser where we could stay dry and stay out of the way. Next, the staff divided into two crews. The first one quickly broke down the dinner settings and packed them away. Our table, complete with white table cloth, glassware and china was secured. The second crew grabbed our sleeping mattresses and at the same time popped open small two-person tents and put the mattresses in the tents to keep them dry. If you recall, we were to sleep under the stars. That was no longer going to happen.
It was pitch black, except for the occasional flash of lightning. We were staying pretty dry under the Land Cruiser roof, and then one of us started laughing. Pretty soon all of us were. Here we were, in the middle of the Kalahari Desert, one of the driest places on earth, getting rained on while sipping our drinks in a Land Cruiser. How could you not see the humor in that?
Twenty minutes later the rain stopped. The crew quickly reassembled our dining table and just before 7:30PM, we sat down to dinner. Our chef, Mash, served a feast of rolls cooked in a dutch oven, salad, beet salad, a cauliflower and cheese dish, ribs, and chicken filets in a cream sauce. White and red wines were opened. One more surprise awaited us. The tarp above our table had gathered a considerable amount of rain and while eating our first bite, some of it spilled on the table. We quickly moved the table and then we made our way through the delicious meal. We were still chuckling about the rainstorm, but it was a different chuckle as our bellies grew full.
Mash Serving Dinner After the Rain
After dinner, we joined the crew around the fire. Some stories were told and of course a few jokes. A couple of us may have drunk a Jameson. The sky kept changing from clear to cloudy and Isaac confirmed we would sleep in tents. It was a good call, as it rained twice more during the night.
I woke once in the late hours of the night to go the bathroom. The sky had cleared by then and as I looked up, I saw my old friend Orion high in the sky overhead. I smiled to myself – it’s nice to know some things never change.
The next morning while still dark, I woke to a voice softly singing. It was Kago singing her morning prayers. I listened quietly and out of nowhere, felt an immense sense of peace come over me. I can’t help but wonder if the remoteness of where we were also contributed to the feeling.
The camp started stirring and I got out of bed about 5:30. Although still dark, a fire was already going, and our morning breakfast was cooking. The eastern sky was turning gold and red, as the sun was about to appear on the horizon.
The Moon was still high in the sky as dawn approached.
As the sun rose, I walked to edge of our camp by myself. I again saw the vastness and emptiness of the Ntwetwe Pan to the east. There was a beauty to it that provoked an ache in my heart. Even now, I find it hard to describe.
Sunrise over the Ntwetwe Pan in the Kalahari
In Botswana, the word for rain is Pula*, which also means a blessing, as rain is so scarce. Although the rain the night before and on Independence Day changed the tenor of the trip, I think it also gave me something else I can’t define. As I looked at the vastness of the Pan that morning at sunrise, I felt the presence of something larger. God? Perhaps, but I don’t think so. It was more a feeling that even though I am so small, I belonged to something much larger than myself. To me, the vast emptiness I was looking at no longer felt like nothingness or loneliness. There was a weight and depth to it, and yes, a peacefulness. I felt blessed to be in such a remote location. Maybe hearing Kago sing her prayers earlier in the dark is what changed my feelings to something more spiritual. I doubt I will ever know.
My Friend Bill Surreptitiously Snapped this Picture of me Contemplating the Pan
A bit later, I rejoined the others and soon we ate a breakfast of bacon, sausage, eggs, pancakes, yogurt, fruit and freshly made biscuits. Afterwards, we packed up, and just after 7AM, started the five hour return trip to Leroo. Later in the afternoon while on safari, our guide Ollie tracked and showed us a Cheetah and her three cubs, which was amazing. For me, even as I was viewing the cheetahs, my mind returned to the sunrise at Ntwetwe and the ethereal feelings I experienced.
Addendum:
– *Pula actually has four different meanings: rain, a blessing, “Cheers!” If toasting someone over a drink, and lastly, it is what they call their currency. It’s a pretty versatile and important word in Botswana.
⁃ I’d like to thank Isaac Mpuchane, our guide, for reading my blog and providing input. As we traded emails, he sent me a link to an article that places the Ntwetwe Pan as one of the possible locations for the start of human civilization. Maybe my spiritual feeling wasn’t as accidental as I thought. You can read the article he sent me here: https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-50210701 If you want to learn more about Isaac, or see some of his amazing photography, you can do so at: http://www.instagram.com/isak_naturephotography
⁃ I’d also like to thank Bill Reichhardt for the picture of me on the edge of the Pan. Bill is quite the photographer and if you would like to see more of his pictures from Africa, you can view them here: http://billreichphoto.com/
– * The colors in the flag of Botswana have the following meanings: The light blue represents water, and specifically rain, as it is such a precious resource. The black band with the white frame has two meanings. First, they symbolise the harmony and cooperation between the black and white people who live in Botswana. Furthermore, they represent the stripes of the zebra, the national animal of Botswana.
Botswana’s Flag
– This is the sixth in a series of blogs about our 2021 trip to Africa. The other blogs are listed here, in the reverse order of their publishing.
⁃ This is the second time we have used Karen Dewhurst, of Sikeleli Travel & Expeditions as our travel consultant. After working with her in 2018, there was no doubt we would use her and Sikeleli again. All accommodations were amazing, the food and wine excellent, the logistics and travel arrangements perfect and the animal viewing exceeded all expectations. If you are coming to this part of the world, I highly recommend her and them. You can reach Karen at: karen@sikelelitravel.com | (+27) 81 067 1094 (South Africa). Their overall website is at: https://sikelelitravel.com/ .
A couple of months after Grandma Grubaugh died in 1996, I received a call from mom. She wanted to know if there was anything I might like from Grandma’s things. I immediately answered “The Pink Elephant and Blue Monkey glasses.” She Said “What?! Nothing else?” “No, those are how I best remember Grandma.”
Grandma and I Just Shy of my Second Birthday
Lillian Henrietta Grubaugh was born on the 2nd of January, 1905 and died on the 4th of December, 1996 at the age of 91. When Grandma died, my Uncle Don was executor of the will and divided the major assets equally out among Aunt Pauline, Aunt Cecilia, mom, Uncle Sonny and himself.
As to the belongings in the house, they took turns picking things each of them wanted, starting with Aunt Pauline, the oldest, and then reversing the order for the next pick. When they finished this up, there were of course many things still left in the house. It fell to mom and my Aunt Pauline to go through the remainder of the stuff in the house, sort it, and give it away or otherwise dispose of it. I think it was around then I received the call from mom, asking if there was anything I might want.
So why did I want those glasses of pink elephants and blue monkeys? Why did I remember them and why did they call to me? I’ve thought about that for awhile.
Sometime around 5th or 6th grade, I started a business of mowing lawns. Or I suppose my dad encouraged me to start the business. One of my first customers was of course Grandma and Grandpa. I think my cousin Joey had the job before, but he’d grown older and moved on to real work of some sort, and the opportunity fell to me.
On mowing day, dad and I loaded the mower in the back of his car and drove across town to 916 Chestnut street, where Grandma and Grandpa lived. He helped me take the mower out of the car and then drive home, with instructions to call him when I finished up.
916 Chestnut Street – The Yard Seemed Bigger Back Then
I’d mow the lawn for the next half hour or 45 minutes. The yard wasn’t big, but there were lots of things to mow around – the old swing set, the low metal fence with posts, a couple of big trees, the vegetable garden, including grandma’s rhubarb plants, and the ancient garage out back. After I finished mowing, I’d do a quick trim of the hard-to-get spots with some manual clippers.
Eventually, I’d finish everything up and head to the house, ready to call Dad. Inevitably Grandma would greet me and have me sit down at the kitchen table. She’d bring out a piece of spice cake, or unwrap some of her date nut bread, or pull some of her rhubarb sauce out of the fridge if the season was right. No matter what she served, she also poured me a big glass of milk in one of those elephant or monkey glasses and the two of us sat and talked.
I don’t remember much of what we talked about. I do remember us having those conversations – maybe about school, or summer camp, or Little League or whatever. It was just the two of us in our own little world.
Eventually we finished up and I’d call dad. He’d drive the 5 or 10 minutes across town and pick me up. Grandma and I would say goodbye, she’d give me a hug, and I’d wave goodbye from the car.
Wonderful Memories Involving Pink Elephants and Blue Monkeys
I cut their lawn for three or four years and the ritual was almost always the same. Around 8th grade, I started a “real job” working at the local pool as a locker room attendant, eventually graduating to lifeguard. I think my cousin Jimmy, Joey’s younger brother may have taken over the lawn mowing at Grandma and Grandpa’s home. Grandma and I stayed close, even after I left for West Point, but those regular private times together disappeared. I’d see her on breaks from school, or when we returned on vacation from an overseas assignment, but of course it was never the same. There was still spice cake or date nut bread, and a glass of milk or cup of coffee. We had wonderful conversations, but they were obviously more grown up. The innocence of those previous times was gone.
Grandma and I at my Graduation from West Point in 1978
I’ve thought back to those younger years and sitting at the table eating one of Grandma’s treats and drinking milk out of those glasses. It’s a warm memory, and I always smile when I see the glasses sitting on a shelf at our home now. Grandma and I having a summer conversation at her kitchen table, wrapped up in our own little world…
Addendum:
Something we also found out from mom and Aunt Pauline was that Grandma often times didn’t use the Christmas gifts we gave her. Instead, she tagged them with our names and put them away in a chest. The tagged items went back to the giver after she passed away. One of the tagged items was an umbrella of questionable fashion I’d given her one Christmas. it still sits by our back door here in Virginia, in case it’s needed.
It had been a long time. Too long, to be honest. Life, “stuff” and Covid all managed to intervene. Finally, after a couple of years away, we were making a trip back to Illinois to see family and friends. The feelings of anticipation were palpable.
We started with visits to old friends – dinner out one night, ribs on the grill another; laughter and tears; telling old stories and making new memories. From there, it was lunch, beer and tenderloin sandwiches with another old buddy. Finally, it was on to family time and staying with each of my sisters, Tanya and Roberta. Again, more laughter, tears, dinners out, favorite foods* and stories from our youth.
Old Friends…
Everything led up to the last day, and a family picnic at my sister Roberta’s home. Counting my Uncle Don, mom’s last surviving brother, we were four generations strong – Uncle Don and his friend Diane; Roberta, Tanya and I and our husbands and wives; our nieces and nephews and their spouses; and of course their children. The oldest person was 80, the youngest about 14 months old. There were perhaps 30 or 35 of us.
As folks arrived, we greeted each other with smiles and hugs. We hadn’t seen some of our nieces and nephews in four years. There were also great nieces and nephews we’d never before met. There was much laughter and love with each new greeting.
It was a great day – we were talking with everyone, telling stories and catching up… There was a huge potluck lunch, and I ate way too much. Our niece Diane is the curator of mom’s potato salad recipe, so I had to have two helpings of that. After lunch, we followed the kids to the creek and had water balloon fights. Then, it was on to the raft at the pond, where swimming, sliding down a slide, jumping in and diving off the raft all ensued. I managed a backflip off the dock, and to laughter from the grand nieces and nephews, only slightly smacked my face on the water. It was a fun and wet afternoon… 😉
Clockwise from upper left: Uncle Don, Laying out the picnic, At the Creek, In the Pond, and Cathy about to be hit with a water balloon…
We all know all good things come to an end, and people eventually loaded their cars back up with kids, coolers and leftovers. Another set of hugs and kisses, and promises to try and see each other more often. Eventually, the only ones left were Berta and her husband Jack, along with Cathy and I. We finished cleaning up and bringing things into the house. We were, perhaps, a bit quieter than we’d been just an hour or two before. Jack had to go to work early in the morning, so we said our goodbyes to him that night.
The next morning, after coffee, Cath and I hugged Roberta goodbye and departed. I’m not one for long goodbyes, so we left a bit earlier than planned. After a quick stop to briefly visit our parent’s graves, it was on to O’Hare Airport and home.
One of the prices Cath and I paid by joining the Army and moving away all those years ago, is we have missed so much of our friends’ and families’ lives back home. That is a part of what makes these trips precious. We didn’t really get to see our nieces and nephew grow up, except for scattered visits, and history is of course repeating with the grand nieces and nephews. This is true for Cathy’s side of the family as well. We love our lives and have no regrets about the choices we’ve made over the past 40 plus years, and yet…
As I’ve become older, I often have a certain sense of bitter-sweetness about these get togethers with friends and family. The time goes by so quickly, the highs of the greetings and the lows of the departures blend together in a strange set of feelings that don’t easily mesh. There are shades of love, along with the happiness and sadness that accompany love. The passage of time in our lives continues to speed up.
I know (and pray) we will have many more wonderful times together in the years ahead. For me, along with the joy, there will also always be a bit of wistfulness.
Good times … Tanya, me, and Roberta…
Addendum:
* Favorite foods are always an interesting topic. A couple of the things that remind me of home are Tenderloin sandwiches and Sam’s Pizza. You can’t find the sandwiches outside of Iowa, Indiana or Illinois and they are killer good. And Sam’s? Well, it’s Sam’s. GREAT pizzas there…. both make me (and many others) nostalgic for our home town of Ottawa.
Comfort food for sure….
– Thanks to my niece Diane Schott, along with sisters Roberta Gourley and Tanya McCambridge for supplying several of the photographs included here!
I’m not going to lie. This Spring, I feel how a bear must feel coming out of hibernation – A bit groggy, and damned hungry. Yes, I’m hungry, hungry for life. While spring is always a time of hope and renewal, this year I’m optimistic about life for a couple of other reasons as well: covid vaccines are happening, and the Nats are going to play baseball in front of live fans again.
Cathy and I have our vaccines now. As of today, two weeks have passed since her second Pfizer shot, so we are both good to go. Although 47+ million Americans are now fully vaccinated, that is actually only about 15% of the US population. Biden declared a goal of 200 million vaccinations by the end of his first 100 days and I think we will make it. You can see the momentum building in the vaccination programs and soon everyone who wants a shot will be able to get one. America is opening up again, slowly, but surely.
I feel doubly lucky right now – My buddy Bill has been a Nats season ticket holder since they returned to DC in 2005, and as a result, he was able to buy 4 of the Covid-limited 5,000 tickets available for opening day (in a 41,500 seat ballpark). Have I mentioned Bill is one of my favorite people in the whole world? I’ll be one of the 5,000 fans attending Opening Day. I should also mention that our group of four are all vaccinated.
Opening Day is on April 1st against the Mets! It’s on my Calendar.
Seeing baseball in the park, with a beer and a brat in my hands, yea, I’m ready for that. After losing live baseball for the entire 2020 season due to Covid, I’m almost giddy about going to Opening Day. Hopefully the Nats win, but for right now, I’m just happy to see a baseball game in person. I can’t wait for the roar of the crowd, as the announcer calls “Play Ball!”
It’s the simple things. The other evening, we went out to dinner with our neighbors. Mike drove the four of us. In his convertible. With the top down. We dined at Field and Main in a cabana with the doors open, letting the evening breeze gently blow in. It was a wonderful night with good friends. It was the kind of night we all took for granted a couple of years ago. Now? It’s silly, but I know I’m going to remember that dinner for a long time.
While I can’t speak for other people, or other locations, here in Virginia, the feeling of renewal is visceral. It’s grown warm, flowers are in bloom, trees are budding out and it’s staying light longer. The Daffodils are everywhere. These things happen every year in the spring, but this year, I’m noticing them more. From comments I’m hearing, others are as well.
The Daffy’s are Everywhere this Spring and seem Especially Bright.
Maybe one of the good things that will come out of this past “Year of Covid” is a renewed appreciation for the little things in life. The things we all took for granted for so long. Whether seeing blooming flowers, attending a baseball game, or having a nice dinner out with friends on a spring evening, I hope I can keep this feeling of renewal alive for awhile. If no where else, I’ll at least keep it in my heart.
Addendum:
Writing this addendum update on the afternoon of April 1st, Opening Day. Silly me. I forgot this was still the year of Covid and today is April Fool’s Day. A Nats player was Covid Positive. Four other players were in proximity and are also in quarantine. The Nats Opening Day has been postponed… for at least two days. It won’t be today, and it won’t be tomorrow (“Out of an abundance of caution”). —sigh— Cathy is laughing at me and saying I’m acting pretty pitiful right now…. ;-).
This too shall pass and is but a small bump on the journey. The arrival of spring, and our overall renewal is inevitable.
Live Life Exuberantly 