Spreadsheets and Stories

Mom and Dad’s wedding anniversary was last week. They were married 73 years ago on May 14th, 1951.  I was thinking about them and how both influenced my life and the lives of others. Many people say I remind them of dad, but Cathy, my wife, says mom shines through me. 

In my view, both views are right and I’m a product of the two of them. Upbringing and genetics combined, making me who I am, although not always in ways people think. 

Our environment at home was a good one. They had a unified front in how to raise the three of us kids and supported and reinforced each other at home. I’m hard pressed to remember a single time with any separation between them in their views about how to raise us. Home was a good environment, but they were also strict about what we could and couldn’t do as kids. They certainly encouraged us, and gave us carrots/rewards, but they also weren’t opposed to spankings and we all received our fair share. We learned about honesty, work, fairness, friendship and love in our home on Cherokee Lane. I think that environment and those ideals prepared me for life.  

There were differences in their individual personalities and how they approached life for themselves. Like many good marriages, their ways were complementary to each other and for them, it was a classic case of 1 + 1 = 3.    I’ll talk about a couple of examples here and how they rubbed off on me. 

Most who know me would say I’m pretty organized – some might even say anally so. I’ve been that way for much of my life. I use to-do lists, spreadsheets, outlines, plans … probably more than most. While some think I inherited that from dad, it’s actually pure mom. That’s how she attacked life, and her work. She was the secretary in the main office at our local high school. If you needed to find out something, the standard answer was “go ask Gen”.  When I applied to West Point, it was mom who organized everything, making sure my packet was complete and reflected well on me. 

I’ve thought about how much of my “orderliness” was a product of her, or of my time at West Point and in the Army. Maybe over the years, they became mutually reinforcing. 

Dad on the other hand, was a bit looser in his approach to life.  I’m not sure how much the war influenced him, but I think quite a bit. I’m betting getting wounded and almost dying makes you approach a lot of things differently, and so it was with dad. He was a hard worker, but when work was done, he enjoyed life. Dinners out, dancing, having a few drinks. When the weekend came, he was ready to enjoy it and life. I think he approached life in general that way, and tried not to let things burden or worry him, even when there were challenges. 

He was also a gifted storyteller. Telling tales about his childhood, or the war, or one of the railroads he worked for – he could tell his story and make you feel you were right there. You were living it with him while he talked. It was a special gift and over the years if you were ever with dad at our home, or somewhere else, you probably heard more than a few of his stories.  Even when he repeated them, he could still make you laugh.  

One other thing about Dad. He never made all that much money, but money never had a hold on him. He was always generous, with family, friends and strangers.

I certainly inherited his lust for life and try to enjoy every day. As for story telling, well, I think I have some of his ability to tell a tale, however if I’m honest with myself, I’m only a pale imitation in that department.  It’s perhaps what I miss about him the most. 

They both were friends with people of all ages and had the ability to put people at ease. When traveling, they would inevitably make new friends.  

My cousin Dawn may have given the best description of mom and dad I’ve ever heard. “Your mom was like home.  Comfortable and warm.  Your dad was like a spark that gets a flame going then keeps the fire dancing. They were special people.  I’m smiling now thinking about it.”

Although both mom and dad have passed on, I’m wishing them a happy belated anniversary. I’m thankful for the gifts they’ve given me, and for the enrichment they brought so many others. 

Addendum:

• Thanks to my cousin, Dawn Tedrick, for her wonderful description of my folks!